Surrendering to the Feminine

This is an article I wrote for an e-book that will soon be released...  Details can be seen at The Goddess Quest Facebook Page

In many of the men I have worked on, one of the deepest wounds they hold is the grief and pain around the subjugation of the feminine that they have participated in in past lives and sometimes in the current life.  Deep in the heart of the masculine is a desire to be consumed by the feminine  - the feminine is the container – sexually the man enters INTO the woman, the sperm enters INTO the egg, the masculine exists within the feminine for the first 9 months of existence.  Out of fear of this desire and perhaps due to a simple lack of awareness, the masculine has historically perceived that it FORCES entry, that it is all powerful because it can over-power and demand entry.  The incredible pain that I think exists in the heart of the masculine is the deep underlying dissatisfaction of knowing that to really be received by the feminine, the masculine must be invited in.  Perhaps it can physically enter, but the entry into the sacred inner chamber of the heart of the feminine is granted only to those who seek it humbly, respectfully and reverentially.

From what I have seen, the masculine feels this pain and out of fear of this pain, turns away, thereby continuing to deny the feminine.  It takes a strong heart to face this grief, face the pain of the collective masculine and in a sense apologise for the ignorance that has allowed this wounding of the feminine which ensures that almost every woman keeps her inner sanctuary safe and secure beneath the charade of the perfect manicure or the dinner on the table.  What choice do we have when our hearts and bodies have been broken so many times by the ignorant, fearful masculine that chooses to cover its ignorance and fear with brute force and subjugation?

Whenever I work with men and this theme comes up, I see how confronting it is for both the masculine and the feminine to take down these habitual roles, behaviours, habits and fears and meet each other truly naked.  How can the dominant masculine come to deeply honour and recognise his desire to be contained by the feminine?  How can the feminine come out of centuries of subjugation to step into the power and strength of universal motherhood that is the essence of every woman?  These are deep and powerful themes for a couple to engage with, they will rock every sense of identity we hold dear.  What bravery and courage will we have to bring to the surface of our minds in order to take this journey together?  And yet, how can humanity survive if this journey is not undertaken, if these questions are not asked?

Perhaps this article is mostly written for men, to alert them to the themes that may be underlying their inability to truly find the feminine, but in truth it will take as much courage from the feminine as it does from the masculine.  Despite our nature of yielding, we are so tightly wound in our protection of our own divinity that we often miss it even in ourselves.  I would entreat the masculine, if he is truly sincere in his desire to uncover the sacred feminine, to begin this journey alone.  Even if you are in partnership, do not declare immediately your intentions and expect your partner to open simply because you desire it.  Be radically truthful with yourself.  Are you really, deeply, available for this journey, are you willing to meet your own fear, brutality, longing, mistrust and so on.  Are you prepared to discover the true power of the feminine, are you ready and willing to unleash that in your partner/friend/daughter for the good of all women.  Are you prepared for the changes that may come in your inter-personal dynamic, or the challenges that may come from the other men in your life who get a subtle sense of what you are doing and feel threatened or critical?  If the deepest answer in you is YES then I honour you, for you are truly a man.  And in your manhood, you will begin to uncover a mystery so sacred it has been lost to the world for millennia. 

The fact of the matter is, the Divine Feminine that you are seeking to come into contact with is actually within you.  What we as humanity are lacking, is this innermost connection with ourselves.  As you come into contact with the Goddess within you, you will subtly be giving permission to all of the women (and men!) around you, to come into contact with the Goddess within them.  This is a powerful place to stand.  Humanity can truly shift from the choices of one human being. 

The divine feminine within everybody holds a tremendous amount of power.  In Hindu mythology, the feminine is designated as creation, the masculine as the detached, underlying consciousness.  We cannot have one without the other, but the subjugation of the feminine essence for aeons is coming close to destroying this incredible creation that we are all a unique and magnificent part of.  This journey  is not simply a personal one, the need for it to be made is much bigger and the power that is calling for you to step in is not limited to your small, personal mind/emotions/desires. 

If the essence of the masculine is logical, linear, rational and controlled, the essence of the feminine is wild, free, uncontainable power.   The invitation of this journey from control to freedom is surrender.  But to what are we surrendering, and what must be surrendered?   In truth, we are not surrendering to anything outside of ourselves.  It is not an external force, not a limited notion of just doing what your partner asks you to do, or a controlling and punishing ‘god’ figure that we have to give our power and autonomy away to.  We are surrendering to our own essence, the pure consciousness that animates all of creation.  All that has happened, through the length of human history, is that we have built up so many veils, masks and concepts about who we are that we miss the bright, shining light in the centre of each and every human heart.  So what we are surrendering is these veils, masks and concepts.  We’re giving away all the clinging and attachment to specialness, separation, being right, even being safe!  We’re coming to a reckoning with life that magically and radically alters both the relationship with ourselves and every other relationship that creates our life.  Suddenly we don’t need theories of how to relate because we simply look inside and find out how we would truly like to be treated.  When we give up the notion that the Divine Feminine is somehow separate from what we already are, there is nowhere to go to build a relationship with it. 

I am not interested in giving you a list of what women want, or how to treat us.  I know that you actually know already, it’s just a case of having the courage to step into what you know, to step into what you truly are.  Instead I want to offer you basic, simple practises that can easily be incorporated into our daily lives so that we are not only setting an intention but actively doing something every day to reinforce that commitment within ourselves.  When we set a powerful intention for ourselves, we create an anchor that is capable of holding us through the storms that may come as we start diving deep.  Remind yourself daily of your intention, that way, if challenges come, you will easily remember the reason they have shown up and find the courage and strength to meet them with love and gratitude, knowing that they are the crucible in which our dross is being burnt off.  This journey may not be always enjoyable or easy, but the joy and peace of being that arises from an ever deepening connection with ourselves and the heart of mystery that lies within us each of us takes us to a level of fulfilment few have touched. 

1. Make a connection for yourself with a form of the Goddess that you feel drawn to and choose for yourself an image that you can develop a relationship with and invite Her to teach you.  This may be an idol of a traditional deity such as Mother Mary, Lakshmi, Brigid, Kali etc or you may choose a natural object to represent mother nature or even an image that reminds you of the formless, all powerful feminine.  Whatever you choose, allow it to be something that speaks to your heart as well as pleasing your eyes.   Also ideally, choose something which doesn’t simply excite your passions because you are attempting to cultivate a relationship that goes beyond the hormonal, and we all know how hard it is to really pay attention when we’re feeling sexually driven.   Once you have chosen a form to relate to, take some private time to speak or write or sit and meditate with the image and communicate your intentions.  Be as clear as you can be and become humble enough to ask for help.  Ask the Goddess to teach you and be willing to listen to the messages you are given.  You may want to get a journal to keep with the image, that you can write your intentions and questions into, as well as recording any insights and answers that you receive.  This is a gentle, daily process and you will reap great rewards with the input of only a few minutes of focused attention every day.  It will also help you to keep your intentions present to yourself, especially in the moments when more challenging emotions or experiences come to the surface.  Your intention will form an anchor that keeps you present and allows you to trust in the process.
2. If you feel comfortable and safe with the women in your life, start to ask them to share their experience of the Divine Feminine with you and REALLY listen to them.  Do not listen to disprove, to be right, to figure it out, to get a specific outcome.  Instead listen more with the heart than with the mind, learn to listen to what is beneath and between the words, listen so that the woman you are listening to knows that she has been heard.
3. Make a commitment to uplifting at least one woman in your life, without telling her that you are doing it.  This may be your partner, your daughter, a woman you work with or even a cashier at the supermarket.  Make choices in your communication with this woman that are about increasing her sense of self-worth, giving her a positive experience of herself every day, supporting her to know that she has value and unlimited potential.  If it is someone close to you, take active steps to facilitate her actually getting to experience those qualities in herself and being able to make choices that take her closer to self-actualisation – for example, supporting her to take a class in something that she is inspired by, or encouraging her to express her creativity or explore her spirituality.  Start to taste the beauty that you get to experience in yourself when you know that the twinkle you see in her eyes is there because of the choices you made, and beyond that receive the gifts that she shares with you willingly as she grows into being able to receive your unconditional love and support.
4. Choose one trait/habit that you know does not serve the feminine in your life and really pay attention to yourself.  Whenever you see yourself play it out, take a moment to find out what the trigger was.  For most of us, it’s something to do with our sense of self-importance/self-worth being compromised or challenged.  When we feel threatened or insecure, we tend to lash out (verbally, emotionally, physically) or withdraw.  The feminine is very sensitive to these movements even though they may not be able to communicate how they know.  When you investigate yourself, you will probably find that the knee-jerk reaction automatically releases and you become available and open once again. 

The thing about women is, even when they don’t realise it or actively acknowledge it to themselves, they are incredibly intuitive, especially when it comes to friendship and relationship.  This is why just simply making a declaration about your intentions means little.  The women in your life will feel it when you make a change and they will respond even if it’s never talked about consciously.  Suddenly you will find them sharing more of themselves with you or reaching out to you in deeper ways.  You may find them getting stronger and being more assertive as they sense that they are really, finally, being seen and heard for all that they are. 

Revel in this shift for it is a gift that reminds you that the work you are doing with yourself is really paying off.  Acknowledge these women for what they are sharing with you or the ways in which you see them growing, let them know that you see the shifts and that you honour and appreciate them.  There may be emotional wobbles, as they learn to be comfortable stepping in to the next level of their own power and authority.  Do not be afraid of these wobbles, they are actually proof that the woman is growing and blossoming.  Give them space, support and encouragement.  Fight for the biggest vision you have for the expression of the Divine Feminine in their life and gently remind them that it’s always darkest just before dawn!