Wouldn’t it be nice if by letting go of our grievances, we could immediately and tangibly change the energy in our interpersonal relationships? If simply by changing our perspective and attitude, the other person’s perspective and attitude could shift? This is indeed the case. The power does lie within us to create that shift, that change that can dissolve a day’s worth of bickering, or years’ worth of mistrustfulness. A positive intention to change our attitude is infinitely more effective than a manipulative attempt to force another to respond how we would like. The essence is in realising that we hold the power. It does not lie outside of us, in the other person. We are not dependant on others to create that change, we ourselves can shift the relationship simply by being willing to let go and bring love back to centre stage.
What follows are an example and a testimonial demonstrating how powerful letting go and changing our perspective can be in creating a breakthrough.
Example: A friend of mine and her partner were having a difficult day, recently, and she confided in me that her partner had been extremely angry and reactive. She’d left the house to give her some space, and was really baffled by what to do; they’d had plans for that evening. Another friend who was with us reminded her that she probably just needed a lot of reassurance, because they’d gone through a really rough time a few months back. She took the advice in, and realized, “yeah, she must still be really scared because of what happened.” After thinking for a few minutes, she called her partner on the phone. Her partner had independently shifted, and was apologizing for her behavior. “I know. It’s okay,” my friend told her. “I love you. I just love you..... It’s okay. I love you.”
I could not help but note that as soon as my friend had changed her perspective, allowing more love and softness in, her partner felt that she was loved, and softened as well. What a beautiful way to spur dramatic change in our relationships. How inspiring to know that the power lies within us!
Testimonial: About three days ago, Charu did a healing on me that focused on my relationship with my father. I was facing a lot of fear of him. Charu led me through an exercise in which I created a sphere of golden light around me, a safety sphere that he could not enter into. With that protective sphere surrounding me, I played hide-and-go-seek with my Dad, drew with crayons with him, and re-lived other childhood times with him. Not only did I feel completely relaxed with him for the first time, but I also saw his humanity for the first time, his tenderness, his vulnerability.
I felt a bit wobbly after that healing session. I could feel something fundamental shifting inside of me; it seemed as if something was sorting itself out in my subconscious.
A few days later, I suddenly remembered that it was Fathers’ Day. I hurried to call home. Dad asked me, “So what are you doing in London?” Panic started to rise in my throat, a familiar closing feeling. Dad doesn’t know anything about my life these days, and certainly nothing about healing and emotional processing. But almost as soon as it began to rise, the panic dissolved, my throat unclenched, and a settled feeling came to my chest. I was able to tell Dad about the amazing healings I’d been having. I talked about “emotions”, a word I’d not dared to say to Dad for years, and told him for the first time how incredibly afraid I had been for years after I’d broken my back, something I’d never admitted to. Dad kept saying, “uh-huh” really digesting what I was saying, and he shared thoughts and feelings from his side. It was astounding, yet the conversation was completely natural. I hung up the phone and stared at my partner with shock. “I have not had that open of a conversation with my father for 20 years!”
It was clear to me that I was much less scared of my father. Because I had stopped defining him as such a scary guy, he was able to not be! I had given him the space to grow and to change, to not remain the young father of that scared little girl. This is a profound change, a dramatic shift in our relationship. To think that I’d energetically been holding us static all this time, unnecessarily!
Practical Exercise: This exercise only needs to take a few minutes. If you want to make it longer you can, but sometimes it’s best just to let it flow through you, feel the sense of letting go and then move on with your day!
1) Sit or stand in a comfortable position. Feel your feet on the floor and imagine roots growing down into the earth, allowing the energy of the earth to flow up into your body. This will ground you and help you to stay present through the exercise.
2) Take 3 deep breaths, and with each inhalation, feel yourself drawing all your strength, all your power, all your energy from any person, place or experience where you may have left it, into the centre of your belly. You can continue this for a few more breaths if it feels helpful.
3) Imagine golden light radiating out from your heart, into your body and out through your skin to fill the space around you. You are creating a golden orb about 6-12 inches all around you. This is your safe space.
4) Bring a person to mind with whom you have had difficulties. It’s probably best to start with something relatively ‘light’. Ask yourself ‘what was I feeling in that situation?’ and acknowledge that it is OK that you felt that way.
5) Next ask yourself ‘what was I needing in this situation?’ and brainstorm ways that you can meet those needs for yourself.
6) Give yourself a hug!
7) Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Ask yourself what they might be feeling at the time of the conflict with you. Acknowledge that it was OK for them to be feeling that way.
8) Ask yourself what they might have been needing in that situation. Investigate whether you are able to support them in meeting those needs.
9) Take some time to forgive both yourself and them and feel the flow of love between you.
10) When you feel ready, get in communication with the other person and see how the energy has shifted. You may be surprised that they get in touch with you or apologise even before you have a chance to say anything!
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